Tuesday, January 16, 2018

2017 in Review: The year of "patience"!

(Veda: 11 months old)

I wanted to write this entry a few weeks ago, before the start of 2018, but we were in the midst of Winter break from school which means both kids at home...which means no break for mommy! Husband-ji was off work, and I was enjoying spending time with Maya, and all of us together as a family. It was fun, but exhausting, and I'm glad to be back to my routine now!

Welcoming the new year is always refreshing, like starting a new chapter. But it also has me reflecting on the past year. If I could describe 2017 in one word, I would say "Patience". It was a trying year in many ways, and it unfolded slowly.

The best part of it, of course, was welcoming Veda! I love that she was born in January, because as the year progressed, she grew. By the end of the year, she was walking. I started the year pregnant, and I ended the year with a toddler! Veda made 2017 go by quickly for me. As always, I was engulfed by becoming a mother again, albeit with a demanding baby who loves to breastfeed and doesn't sleep very well. That might explain my lack of regular blog posts last year, in case you were wondering! Even though I'm not a first time mom, I had never experienced that level of sleep deprivation before - there were months where I was functioning on 1-2 hours of sleep per day, until my doctor warned me that nobody can survive like that. In the beginning, I was so grateful to have another baby and I thought that if I just concentrated on being grateful that everything would be fine. In those early months, I was just functioning on that rush of adrenaline that you get after you give birth, but then the exhaustion creeps in. Severe sleep deprivation + no time for myself = a late onset of postpartum depression. Which somehow, I still feel shitty about, because I love Veda so very much. However, it was a blessing in disguise because now I'm trying to re-gain my identity and balance out my life a bit more. And most importantly, I'm getting help. Slowly, my life is getting a lot better, and I'm just taking it one day at a time. And being a seasoned mother, I know this "no sleep" thing is only temporary. That Veda will, eventually, sleep through the night. Sometimes it's hard with small kids!

Our building construction was supposed to be done in January or Spring of 2017. We still have yet to move in because the damn thing is still being built. It was delay, after delay, after delay! We are all frustrated and annoyed. Our current living arrangements were only supposed to be temporary - with my in-law's sleeping on my living room floor - but now it has gone on longer than expected due to this construction. Now that the hard-wood flooring has been done, I can confidently say that we will definitely be moving in sometime this year. God knows when! 

I had a very difficult year with my parents. My parents are both facing heath crisis's and I felt helpless because I was so tied up with the baby that I couldn't offer any help to them. I worry a lot about them and their decision making is not the greatest right now, but I've had to let go of a lot of things and trust that if they really need help then they will just ask. They are very independent which has it's own set of challenges. We fought a lot this year because of that. It's hard for me to see them because I have to face their suffering and health deterioration. It is excruciating but there's no way around it - I still need to see them, but I can't not feel anything, either.

I really didn't blog as much as I wanted to in 2017. Any extra free time I had, I spent catching up on my sleep. I had so many creative ideas but no time or energy to complete them, and then when my depression set in, I felt zapped of any passion for life. Welcoming the new year, I'm feeling a lot more energized and now my creative juices are revving up again. I'm doing a lot of reading again, which makes me feel a bit more like my true self! I'm looking forward to a lot of things this year, but mostly I'm proud that I survived the struggles of last year. For that, I feel brave. And I guess that's a good way to start a new year - with a brave, confident step.
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5 comments

  1. I hope 2018 will be much better! Best wishes!

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  2. Best wishes for new year.Love to Veda

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  3. Have a great start of year! Next year, when you prepare the blog about 2018, it will be just memories of a difficult time. Stay strong Alexandra! ❤️

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  4. Alex

    Hope you regain your physical strength and mental patience in this new year. Seems like you are doing a great job juggling everything. Good luck on your new Year goals.

    Love
    Melissa

    ReplyDelete

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